Burn-out. Boredom. Loneliness. Homeschooling isn’t for the weak, but remembering your why will help you stay the course for your children.
Why Remembering Your Why Is Important
I is frustrated. I is lonely. I is tired.
Today was going to be a great day; I just knew it. My lessons were already planned for the week. Today’s lessons and videos were already prepped last night. I woke up early in the morning with a smile on my face and I was actually excited for the day too! Then I heard the shrill screams of my three little angels. “She hit me first!” isn’t quite the morning greeting I was expecting, and my cheerful mood immediately vanished. My children woke up first thing in the morning and chose violence…literally. These tiny terrorists had done a full on assault on my morning, and because I’ve chosen to homeschool, I get the privilege of being with them the entire day.
If you’re anything like me, you’ve probably felt like this at some point in you’re homeschool journey. Frustrated. Lonely. Sick of these kids. Tired. You look around and see other moms thriving in their careers and “me time”. And there you are, wondering if all the effort you’re putting in is worth it. It’s time for you to remember your why.
What Is Remembering Your Why?
From motivational speakers to TED Talks, at some point you’ve probably heard about “remembering your why.” But what does it actually mean? According to Genvieve Colmer, “To know your Why is one of the most important things you can do in your life. Your Why is the reason you get out of bed in the morning and do all that you do. Your Why is your purpose, what you believe you are meant to do here.” Read more about your why here: https://redfairyproject.com/mind/daily-inspiration/remember-your-why/
One of the main reasons why I have often struggled with homeschooling is because rough mornings, temper tantrums, and your standard issue childhood hijinks frustrate me to the point that I’m left wondering why I’m even doing this. Nobody wants to do anything in life the hard way, and homeschooling often feels like the roughest path I could have chosen for myself.
When You Remember Your Why
Don’t get me wrong. I’m not here to make you empty promises. Remembering your why won’t make your children obedient little darlings or sprinkle your day with glitter and butterfly kisses. What it will do, though, is transform your mindset so you can tackle whatever comes your way. Remembering your why won’t make your life easier, but it will make your life easier to live.
What Are Your Whys?
Choosing Your Why The Right Way
Chances are, if this blog post caught your attention and you’ve read this far, you are a tired homeschool mama (or papa). You may be on the verge of quitting. So as we move forward with finding your why, I want you to make sure that you go about it the right way. Before you start working on your why, make sure that you complete this list first. Then, you can go on and think of your why.
- First, make sure your have a clear mind. Try not to think of your why when your are upset or frustrated. You won’t come up with good enough reasons to homeschool.
- Next, find some time to yourself. Easier said than done, I know, but find some alone time so you can think without distractions.
- Then, get something to write with. Yes, I want you to actually write down your why. Things seem more real when we write them down. It also makes things easier to remember when we have a hard copy of what we’ve thought in our heads.
Writing and Finding Your Why
The kids are out to play, and the house is quiet. Some soft jazz is playing in the background as you cozy up on the couch with your favorite notebook and a pen that glides across paper like a figure skater on ice. It sounds a bit far-fetched, but hopefully you’ll find some peace and quiet to think of your why.
Looking Back to Move Forward
In Ghana, Africa, there is a phrase in the Twi language called “Sankofa.” Sankofa translates to “Go back and get it.” It teaches us that looking back on the past and learning from it can lead us to a brighter future. When finding your why, it’s important to think back to the beginning. Think back to the reason why you decided to homeschool in the first place. Before all of your present struggles, what made you to go against the grain and become your child’s teacher?
My First Impressions of Homeschooling
When I think back, I remember that homeschooling wasn’t something that I always thought I would do. As a matter of fact, I attended public and Christian schools growing up, and I remember my classmates joking that homeschoolers were pale because the rarely left home.
As weird as homeschoolers were made out to be, though, I knew one girl in middle school who had been homeschooled for her elementary years. She didn’t fit the typical homeschool stereotype. She was pretty and had more of a social life than I did. Not only that, she was crazy smart. We were both born January of the same year, but she was a grade ahead of me because although my birthday missed the “cut-off”, that made no difference for her: a former homeschooler. She also wasn’t pale. She left the house often for youth group activities and dance lessons…and she was a Black girl.
How It All Started
Although my ideas of homeschooling had changed because of my actual experience with a homeschooler, I still didn’t foresee myself becoming a homeschool parent until it was time for my oldest daughter to start school. What I did know from the beginning, though, is that I wanted to be a stay at home mom while my children were small. I’ve known this since I was a child. So when I finally became a mother, I stayed home with my girls, and did what any former teacher would do: I taught my children.
At this point, I didn’t consider myself a homeschool mom. I was just passing the time each day and meeting my girls’ developmental needs to prepare them for school one day. My oldest daughter’s fifth birthday was approaching and I thought she would be starting kindergarten soon, but her fifth birthday was after the cutoff, like mine. She just barely missed it. Just by one month. My daughter who was already reading and plotting numbers on number lines had to wait a year to start kindergarten. At the rate she was learning, she would have been bored when she finally got there. She needed a challenge, and homeschooling would allow her that challenge. Not only that, but we enjoyed being together every day. Homeschooling would keep us together.
So what was your “Aha!” moment? When did it hit you that homeschooling was the way to go?
Remembering Today’s Why
As you’ve continued to homeschool, there may have been more reasons added to the list as to why you choose to homeschool. That definitely happened for me. I started homeschooling to give my oldest girl a challenge and to spend more time with her, but as we homeschooled, more reasons kept springing up.
We Live in a Crazy World
All it takes is a quick scroll through your social media to see that society is in a steady decline. As I look around, I don’t see my family’s values reflected. Immorality and selfishness seems to be the new wave. I don’t want those influences bombarding my children every day. Although they will have their fair share of “the real world” one day, they don’t have to exchange their innocence for it right now.
When the Covid pandemic hit, an already struggling American education system was in complete disarray. Teachers did the best that they could with what they had, but with the pay and support they receive today, that’s not a lot. My girls, on the other hand, were almost unaffected by the pandemic. We were already homeschooling and we continued our days as usual.
Also, there’s bullying and school shootings. Sure, a person can be assaulted or killed anywhere, but in America, school shootings have become a frightening trend.
Autism Has Entered the Chat
My middle girl is my wild-child, my pistol, the reason I stay on my face before God. We found out that she was on the autism spectrum when her behavior seemed a bit extreme for a typical four year old. She was labeled “high functioning” and was offered no services from the local school system because she tested higher than a typical preschooler academically. They told me, “Keep doing what you’re doing, Mom!” So I did. I continued homeschooling her.
There are days that are extremely frustrating when it comes to helping her through her “meltdowns,” but when I think of how tired or upset I may be, I wonder how she would be handled by a stranger who doesn’t love her as much as I do. Would they be patient with her or harsh? Would they challenge her academically, or coddle her?
The Wiz Kid
Then along came my youngest who has watched her older sisters being homeschooled even before she was ready to be taught herself. She absorbs everything. She learned her letter sounds without me actually having to teach her because she was always listening to her sister’s lessons. Just like her older sisters, she also has a birthday that just barely misses the cutoff point. She wasn’t supposed to start kindergarten until the month before her sixth birthday…but she’s been reading since she was three. At the time of this post, she’s six years old and should be in kindergarten, but she’s doing second grade work and thriving.
So what are the whys that you’ve discovered while on your homeschool journey?
Remembering Your Why Daily
Remembering your why isn’t just something you do once to get by on a rough day. It’s important to remember your why with everything you do. It offers you a new perspective and gives you a new attitude as you go through your day.
Remembering Your Why Changes Your Perspective
Attitude is everything, and if you can remember your why in everything you do for your family, it changes the entire atmosphere in your home. Instead of becoming frustrated when your homeschool day doesn’t go as planned, remember that you’re homeschooling to give your child the best educational experience possible. Instead of throwing in the towel, consider why your plans didn’t succeed. Did you allow the children to stay up too late the night before? Do you have clear expectations and good homeschool schedules and routines in place? If not, learn to create a good homeschool schedule here: https://korreainjohnson.com/2023/01/homeschool-schedules-and-routines/
Here are some typical homeschool issues and how remembering your why can help direct you to solutions:
- “I have no time to myself” vs “I have more time with my children. They won’t be children forever and our time together is precious.”
- “This house is always a mess” vs “We’re learning and loving here. This isn’t a museum. It’s a home filled with love.”
- “Why are they always fighting?” vs “I’m glad I have the opportunity to teach them at home how to compromise and communicative effectively.”
- “Why won’t they just act right?” vs “If they knew how to do everything right, they wouldn’t need me. I’m here to teach them and guide them. I have very important work to do.”
- “It would be easier to send the public school” vs “I know this is the best choice for our family. I won’t shy away from this challenge.”
Be Encouraged
Remember, the best things in life don’t come easily. Know that your struggle is for a purpose. Life in general is hard. Parenting in general is hard. Letting go of homeschooling isn’t necessarily going to make life easier, it’ll just be a different type of hard. So decide today what’s best for YOUR family. Not the family down the street. Not the family on Instagram. YOUR family. If homeschooling is the best option, remember your why and give your children the time, attention, and experiences they need.
