“I hope you have one just like you.” These are the words often said by parents to their challenging children. Although my mother never said these exact words to me, she would often say something similar like “Wait until you have a child.” This phrase was a warning that justice would one day be served when I had to endure the same trials with a child of my own. So what did I do that left my mother weary and hoping for me to get a taste of my own medicine? Well, I was the child who constantly came home from school with notes from the teacher. I was the child with my desk pushed in a corner away from other students, who was sent to sit in the hallway, and even sent to the office. I often lost recess time and sat alone in embarrassment during a silent lunch sentence. But what exactly did I do?
I talked. From my very first year of school, I have always been known as the girl who talks too much. Not only did I talk too much during class, but I also had a “voice that carries” as my teachers would delicately describe it. I would attempt to whisper to a classmate while the teacher wrote on the board, and my voice would boisterously carry itself to my teacher’s ears, and eventually I would have to carry myself to the principal’s office. My mother was a strict disciplinarian, so when she received a phone call from school or when I shamefully presented her a letter from my teacher, she handled things the old school way, leaving me with a sore behind.
When I think back on my elementary school years in public and private school, I can’t think of too many times that I got into trouble for anything other than talking. Overall, I was a good kid. I made good grades, loved my teachers, got along with my classmates, and tried to be a helper and a leader whenever I could. Even at home I rarely got into trouble. Truth be told, 85-90% of the spankings I got as a child were because I talked excessively in school.
Now fast forward to today: not only did I end up having one child just like me, but I ended up with three vibrant, outgoing girls. My oldest is especially expressive and talkative. When I look at her, I see a reflection of me and everything I was as a six-year-old girl. The only difference is that she hardly ever gets into any trouble at all, and I believe that has to do with the fact that she’s homeschooled.
What about Socialization?
When people find out that I homeschool my children, many of them ask the infamous question: what about socialization? Somehow other parents, relatives, and random people at the grocery store are extremely concerned about the social lives of homeschoolers but fail to see that most children in traditional schools rarely have authentic socialization. I often remind them of a statement that many teachers have said over the years in class: we’re not here to socialize.
Traditional school can be rather deceiving in appearance. If a child is surrounded by numerous children their age, they’re obviously socializing, right? Well, let’s look back at my experience with school. I was an extremely social child, but every attempt that I made to socialize with my classmates, I was punished for it. I was surrounded by many children to engage with, but any time that I tried to talk to them, I was further removed from social stimulus and was sometimes isolated. The only time I was really allowed to talk was if the teacher decided to call on me that day, and as soon as I had answered her question, I was to be silent again. There was also lunch time, that was mostly spent eating, and there was recess which was used to burn off energy. So, when exactly is a child allowed to socialize in traditional school without having her small window of social time revoked? Not only did traditional school leave little opportunity for authentic social experiences, but an otherwise well-behaved child was made to feel like a disrespectful nuisance. My need for social stimulation led to “trouble”, and trouble meant that my mother had to discipline me. I was made to feel like a bad child because I was sent to the office and spanked regularly for just wanting someone to talk during my seven hours of schooling.
T.G.I.H: Thank God I Homeschool
Fortunately, my little mini me never had to endure those feelings or treatment. She has the freedom to express herself and be heard. Instead of being silent for hours at the risk of being punished, she’s allowed to talk as much as she needs to in order to feel close to us and everyone she meets every day. And since she can socialize as much as she needs to, she typically isn’t disruptive or off task when it’s time for her to work.
Even at six years old, my daughter Jazilyn can see the beauty and freedom that homeschooling has offered her. After telling her what I endured in traditional she said “School sounds horrible. How can I learn if I can’t talk about anything? I remember what I talk about. How can you show people you love them if you only talk to them a little bit? My teacher would think I’m bad because I would talk.”.
Homeschooling truly is a treasured privilege for our family. Not only do my children get the opportunity to learn at their own pace with a tailor-made education, but they’re also allowed to thrive as human beings with more needs to fulfill than academic ones. I consider it a great blessing that my girls can create bonds with our family, friends, and countless others without being punished for a satisfying a basic human need.
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